A friend of mine nominated me to do the "Beautiful Just the Way I Am" Challenge. So, I decided to do it here, in my blog, and also talk to ya'll about body image!!
Here is my photo collage of me JUST THE WAY I AM:
Just kidding! He's just "All Mommy All the Time" right now, so he's my little sidekick!*
This specific post is a little more geared towards the ladies, but I am considering a special post for men as well, because I know that women are not the only ones that suffer from low self esteem.
First of all, I want everyone to say it out loud, c'mon! I AM BEAUTIFUL! Do not scroll past this point until you say it! It will come back to haunt you.
I'm not sure what it is intrinsically that makes us decide that we aren't beautiful. Yeah, I know the media has this image branded into our minds of the perfect woman, with perfect curves and perfect skin and perfect hair. She always makes the sexiest faces and says all the right things, and she definitely doesn't run into the sides of random furniture with her love handles (which she doesn't have), or forget to shave every day or style her hair. In fact, in movies we see these women who manage to stay beautiful through hell and back! I'm not just talking about thrillers or dramatic scenes, but let's just be honest, I'm not the only one who goes into a public restroom and realizes that my eyeliner has smudged under my eyes and I've been looking like a raccoon for who knows how long! If movies were real, and magazine covers were honest, they would be full of women with messy hair, smudged mascara, her eye half closed, her mouth too open, and her limbs jutting out in awkward pose.
Still, we find ourselves pressured to get as close as possible to being these women as we can. We may not all try to "do what it takes," because I think to some level we all know it's unrealistic, but we definitely compare ourselves to these women that are considered beautiful and sexy, because, well, hell, we want to feel like we are the Belle of the ball, like the man of our dreams is out there dreaming about us; and how could he possibly be doing that if he is dreaming about Beyoncé or Jennifer Aniston?
Please, don't misunderstand me. These women are beautiful, hopefully as much on the inside as they are on the outside, but they don't have a monopoly on the meaning of beautiful.
These women DO NOT define us, or how we should see ourselves, but because they are constantly thrown in our face we are led to believe that the closer we are to looking like them the more we are beautiful. We cover ourselves with makeup-which is FINE, because it has a way of making us feel like we put love and energy into ourselves-but it's not essential because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
Repeat after me (I told you): I DO NOT NEED TO WEAR MAKEUP TO BE BEAUTIFUL. I DO NOT NEED TO BE SKINNY TO BEAUTIFUL. I DO NOT NEED TO BE CURVY TO BE BEAUTIFUL. I DO NOT NEED TO BE TAN OR LIGHT SKINNED OR DARK SKINNED TO BEAUTIFUL. I AM BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY THAT I AM.
The most important thing that a woman can do to be beautiful is to be comfortable in her own skin.
I am not free of my own insecurities. Sometimes I worry about the way my face looks when I talk, or when it's all chin and jaw in a photograph. I used to worry about the chicken pock scars on my face (not helped by ex-boyfriends who innocently pointed them out, saying they were "cute", much to my disbelief). I used to worry about the stretchmarks on my legs, ESPECIALLY when I wore a 2 piece bathing suit. I always hated the way I had extra fat on my tummy that would never go away, and a big mole on the side of my neck (everyone I know is going to either nod or look for it next time they see me, haha). I worried about my "Fred Flintstone" toes, as a family member called them, or my bitten fingernails that I just can't seem to grow out. (I also have this really awkward lump on the end of my right hand ring finger, and I have tried everything to get it to go away, but hey, I guess it's a part of me, and I'm starting to get attached!)
I spent SO much time and energy thinking about these things that I just couldn't believe that no one else noticed. I couldn't believe that people "prettier than me" didn't somehow feel like hanging out with me made them look better or that cute guys would always choose them over me. I let men walk all over me, because I didn't think I was good enough. Well, you know what? I wasn't. I wasn't good enough, because I wasn't confident in myself. They all thought that I was just quiet and had no opinion and no personality, and really I was wasting it all sitting inside my head thinking about how awkward and imperfect I was.
So after I finally realized I really was worth a damn I put all my energy into making my personality really stand out. I made myself talk to strangers and seem interesting (which I was, but not always for the right reasons). I made it my goal to make men interested in me, because I wanted to feel like I was good enough.
Ironically, that actually backfired, because I STILL didn't believe that I was beautiful. So many times I missed the signs of guys asking me out, because they actually thought I was so great that they beat around the bush and I just brushed them off thinking that there was no way they would ever like me like that.
A long time ago, there was guy that I dated that I REALLY liked, and I messed it up, because I couldn't get out of my own head. I realized later on that he was crazy about me, but he couldn't handle all the games that I was playing trying to figure out whether or not he was really serious, saying things like, "Well....I don't want to bother you...." or "Only if you really want to, because I don't want you to feel like you have to..."
You're probably saying to yourself, "Well, it's different, you're awesome and pretty and you have it all, and there's no reason for you to feel that way."
I'm here to tell you the same thing about yourself. We don't see other people the stupid way that we see ourselves.
Make a list of all the things you like about yourself, and when you start thinking of things you don't like about yourself make a note about it and why someone might like that thing or might not care about that thing.
My boyfriend does NOT care about the stretchmarks on my legs. He has not spent a second looking at my feet (except for when he gives me foot rubs, but you should see his feet, you would worry much less as well). He has never mentioned the pockmarks on my face, or looked at me any less lovingly when I intentionally made the "ugliest" faces I can possibly muster. ...OKAY I know you want to see....
Anyway, what John does care about is whenever I even slightly mention something I don't like about myself, which just makes him feel awkward because he doesn't see me that way.
Some people have different things that they find attractive to them personally, but it's probably a good thing because if we were all the same and all attracted to the same kind of person it would be really hard to narrow down who to hit on.
GET YOUR GROOVE ON LADIES. Go out, with or without your makeup, with or without your cutest clothes on (but definitely WITH clothes on) and just be yourself! Remember to smile, and when someone compliments you, just say "THANK YOU" and leave the insecurities behind you!
Love you ladies,
Tootles,
René
AKA, The Bashful Entertainer
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