10 Conversations You Have to Have with Your Significant Other

Hey everybody! 

I was talking to John tonight and I brought up the topic of his vacation.. We've been discussing whether or not me and the baby will be visiting South Bend with him next month, simply because Baby John can be a very fussy car rider and he's been going through a sleep regression (talk about exhausting).  Thinking about it all made me realize how much I want a vacation! Then it suddenly hit me, Mom's don't get vacations!

I feel that in today's society it is a luxury to be able to be a stay at home Mom, but let's just be honest.  If someone else were watching my son all day long while I was working, I could expect to pay them somewhere between $150-$300 a week easily, depending on how many hours I worked.  I really do work a full work day, between the changing, the feeding, LOTS of dedicated play time, AND because I exclusively breastfeed I really never get a day off.  Nonetheless, I still feel a little bit guilty for this, but I told John that while he is on vacation  I really don't want to feel like I am still working just as hard as I always do.  Laundry still piles up, the kitchen still needs to be cleaned, our son needs a lot of attention right now while he learns to sit up by himself, and crawl and walk.  Now, if I'm being totally honest, I'm pretty much expecting to do most of that stuff as usual, but I wanted to bring it to his attention that it's hard work, and I deserve a break too.

Now, just because you might be wondering, John doesn't particularly like to clean or anything (nor do many LIKE to clean), but he is very gracious about all this.  I sense the anxiety he might be feeling, worrying that his vacation will in fact turn out to be the opposite of relaxing, which is absolutely not the case.  Actually, because it's in my nature, I will be more likely to put myself out to make sure that he enjoys himself, but I'm really not here to tell you about our lives.  What I really want to talk about is how uncomfortable having this conversation was for me.

I say that relatively, because I am comfortable enough to have difficult conversations with him, and have them openly and honestly, despite the discomfort.  It is because I find it necessary that I have decided to write this post.  10 Conversations You Have to Have with Your Significant Other!

1. WHY THEY BROKE UP
No person is without fault in a relationship, even if they aren't they aren't the reason they fell apart.  Ask this early on, because if you find out that it's because they've cheated on everyone they've ever been with, or that the other person said they were boring, then you might want to consider how that might affect your relationship.  It's also a big red flag if they say that they 'really didn't do anything wrong.'  If nothing else, that means they were a bad communicator.

2. DO THEY WANT KIDS
This is pretty self explanatory, but you might as well ask them how many they want, how they, themselves, were raised, things they won't do that their parents did, things they will, new things they'll bring to the table, and what kind of parent they thing they'll be.

3. WHERE DO THEY SEE THEMSELVES RAISING THEIR KIDS
This may not sound that crucial, but trust me when I tell you that you should at least ask before you guys have a baby on the way and they say, "I'd like to move to where my family lives or to blah blah blah, where I've always wanted to live!"  That way you aren't totally caught off guard and then one of you ends up living somewhere you don't want to be.

4. HOW IS THE HOUSEWORK GOING TO BE DIVIDED
This question is probably best asked when it's closer to moving time, but you'd be surprised how many people fight over this.  It's a big problem for working women especially, finding themselves working and then coming home to take care of all of the household and child-rearing responsibilities.

5. DO THEY LIKE BOARD GAMES
I know you all are laughing right now, but I'm dead serious.  It may not necessarily be board games, but what I have found is that there are board game people and not board game people, but whatever your thing is with your family or your friends or whoever your significant other is going to be spending time with, make sure that they mesh.  There are very few things more disheartening that a man (or woman) who never joins in on the fun, sitting on the sidelines alone.

6. HOW WILL YOU SPEND YOUR VACATIONS
It wasn't too long ago there was a girl that was upset because she wanted to go to the beach with their young baby and her husband wanted to go skiing.  He only got 1 vacation a year and didn't want to miss a year skiing to go to the beach with his family.  This is a problem.  If you dream of going to new and exciting places, or if you have a particular location you like to frequent, find out if they like vacations and where and how they want to spend them, and whether they will compromise for what you want.

7. DO THEY HAVE ANY SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROBLEMS
All I'll say about this is you don't want to find out your dating an alcoholic BECAUSE they smash their truck window open with a tire iron.

8. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS
Who is going to be the primary disciplinarian, or are you going to share responsibility? What kind of punishments do believe in?  What if they don't work? If you break up how would the other person handle it and how would they handle a new parental figure (such as a step mom or step dad). 

9. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MANAGE YOUR FINANCES AND YOUR SAVINGS
I don't even want to get into this one, because people are very protective of their money, even if they're bad with it (maybe especially if they're bad with it), but it must be done.  Figure out not only how you are going to split your expenses, but who is ultimately going to be the financial manager, or if it's something that will be done completely together.  I recommend maintaining some sort of financial freedom, that way you can buy each other surprise gifts for special occasions or decide to treat yourself to something without the guilt or the feeling that you have to ask permission.

10. DO THEY LIKE PETS?
What kind of pets? How many would they want at one time? Are they allergic? Specific breed preferences? This may not matter until one day randomly one of you comes home with a stray cat or a rabid raccoon. Set some pet expectations, and don't be afraid to delegate the training responsibilities before you actually get the pet! 


I hope you liked my list!!!

You guys should comment any that I didn't mention, or your input on how to get some free time as a stay at home mom! I would love to hear your opinions!!! 

OR if you think I'm totally crazy and you want to tell me (in a non-abusive way, preferably) what you think, well, I value honesty and I STILL want to hear your opinion:)

Tootles,

René